Friday, November 10, 2006

How do I get off this crazy train...

How do you slow down when life is loopy? The last three weeks have been nutso for me- something happening every night. I feel like I haven't had a meaningful chat with my wife or son in about month (although that's not true), and I just feel numb or zoned out most of the time.

My biggest worry is about what's going to happen when our second baby comes, probably sometime 6 to 8 weeks from now. I'm really jazzed about the baby- I'm excited to find out what that little person is like, to see their face and smell their head (one of the little publicized joys of parenthood, although Bono did tip off the world about it- check out line 10).

I'm just concerned about the transition and making sure that life doesn't get out of control. I know Lori and I made the transition with Jonah just fine, and we made a rhythm that worked after he got here, and I know that we'll be OK when baby comes, it's just that I wonder how it will all shake down.

I'm not mourning the loss of "normal." A wise man once told me this about parenthood:

When you think things are changed forever and you look back and think about what normal used to be like, take a deep breath, smile and relax; welcome yourself to your new normal.

I guess I am just so thankful for the fullness Lori and I have been able to find since Jonah's birth. Our lives didn't end- they got much richer, and I think that our marriage and our life has been more amazing since Jonah than either ever was before.

I'm not worried about life not being amazing either- just that we've worked so hard to come to where we are, and adding a new person means going back to work.

And maybe that's why I am stressed. I'm really tired right now- not just from three weeks, but from a stretch of life where I have carried a lot, and I don't want to cheap the effort needed to build a new "amazing" because I am weary. If I cheat, it won't be my family that gets shorted, but that means something else does.

My problem is that I am a 100% guy- whatever I do gets that much, because if it's worth doing, it's worth doing right. Only now some of those things I can only afford 60% on, and some things don't work with that kind of effort.

So something has to go! If there are wiser and more learned people out there who have walked this line before, I am your grasshopper. Throw me a bone here. :)

1 comment:

  1. Paul,
    Having now four kids, I know what you are feeling. The amazing thing about they way God designed having children is, it is one stage at a time. And although each stage get's busier and harder than the one before, you get a season to adjust. Before each new season you get a chance to adjust and deal with the new elements you have not yet experienced.

    The most important thing is that you and Lori stay strong. Spend time together even when you don't think you need it. Go on dates even when it's so much easier to stay home. Get away alone for a night or two, even if you think your doing fine. By the time you get to needing it, it's hard to get things back on track.

    Your strength as a couple will determine your success at this whole parenting thing and if your family is not healthy then nothing else in your life will truly be healthy.